Wives are homemade Mac + Cheese

All weekend people asked if I had seen the latest episode of Scandal. Yes, I saw “Everything’s Coming Up Mellie” (Yes they intended that horrible, insensitive pun.) and its brutal rape scene on Thursday with the rest of y’all. I’ve actually seen the episode more than once. The now infamous rape scene deserves to be written about  and talked about but I can’t. I wasn’t ready to watch it and I’m not ready to discuss it. The end.

However, something else stuck out to me from this episode. This:

I AM HIS WIFE

“I AM HIS WIFE.”

American television has never been particularly kind to wives. Their characters are rarely fully developed. Wives are written as either the pillar of “perfection” or the insecure, flighty nag.  Mellie’s character is complex and has been since her introduction in the first season. As a former actress, there is no character on Shonda Rhimes’ Scandal,  that I’d rather play than Mellie Grant. No, not even Olivia Pope.

It’s not because I have some big moral stance against Olivia’s character. She’s dynamic and I’m not judging. I have been a side-chick. It was the sweetest, most care-free, sexually gratifying, and fun relationship of my life to date.   He was mostly everything I thought I wanted in a boyfriend: cute, kind, creative, go-getter who had hood sensibilities AND an inclination for nerdy things. I loved him. Then I found out his live in girlfriend who he had been dating since their freshman year in high school and fathered three children with loved him too.

WIFE : Side-chick :: Homemade Mac & cheese : Restaurant Soul Food

If wives and side-chicks were food, a wife would be your favorite home-cooked meal, on your favorite plate with your favorite dessert. A side-chick would 3.5 star dining at the newest soul food restaurant in town. They are both good. That home cooked meal was cooked especially for you with love and Peach cobbler a la mode. There’s really no comparison. I’m not saying wives are perfect.  There is no escaping the fact that Fitz and Mellie have a dysfunctional  relationship. She seems to trigger all of his childhood dramas in a way he can’t get over. Yes, he claims to want nothing more than to divorce her. I doubt it. While we live in a world where marriage rates are low and divorce rates are high, there is something to be said about vows and promises.  For Richer or poorer, better or worse… Til death do us part.

Wives KNOW who they’re married to.

Wives know. They always know.  Mellie knew Fitz was a killer long before Verna. Sally didn’t bat not one single eyelash when Mellie explained that her husband had gotten handsy with her aide. Know why? Because she knew damn well her husband was gay. Cyrus asked if James had his morning shake because his body chemistry was off. Because wives know. She knows his family. She know what side of the bed he sleeps on, if he leaves the water running while he brushes his teeth.

I had no idea I was his secret. He later said it was planned that way. “I’m selfish. I knew you would leave if you knew. I wanted you to be in love before I told you.”   My scarlet letter lover’s live-in girlfriend (In Texas that’s a WIFE) knew he was a cheater. I’m sure she knew the tell for his lies. Where all his secrets were. All I knew was the mask. That initial… please-love-me-because-I’m-so-dope front we all put on for someone new. No amount of neatly wrapped lies and half-truths can dissolve that level of familiarity and experience. A wife means history and no third-party entering that situation can compete with that. Period.  

 

 

 

#TeamWives

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I’ve never been a wife. But I’ve been cheated on. What’d I do on the other side? I did what any “good” woman would do. I got drunk in a bar with some of my best friends. Cried. Cussed the lying, cheating bastard out. Slept with him that two last times (don’t judge me) and broke it off.  Every week someone says its hypocritical to hate adultery and love Scandal… Simple bitches make simple points? IDK. Yes, Olivia Pope is a side-piece who creeps around with a married man. Week after week, millions of Gladiators root for Olivia. There are fan pages dedicated to her adulterous relationship. Does her character’s likability make her adultery acceptable? Doubt it. I think the fact that her character is fictional  and Fitz is her only major flaw have more to do with it than anything else.  Either way, last week’s episode was a game changer for a lot of people because of its rape scene.  For me it reaffirmed some choices I made years ago. I was unknowingly a side-chick and it was fun and gratifying in a lot of ways. It’s also very Scarecrow in the Wiz… YOU. CAN’T. WIN.  I’m not about that life. If Olivia Pope wants to build monuments to Whitney Houston’s Waiting to Exhale character with her life choices … good for her. I’m cool on that. 

Happy marriage or not: “show up for me” takes “earn me” any day. Show up for me is backed by a promise that was already made. Earn me is a desperate ultimatum.  Mellie doesn’t need a special phone. She knows all of his dirty secrets and takes “over a cliff” and gladiating to a whole new level. Does Mellie like power? Yes. But she also dropped everything in her life to support Fitz. Period.

What do you think? Does Mellie love power more than she loves Fitz? Are you #TeamOlitz? #TeamMellie? Have you been a side-chick?